SOMALIA: Culturally correct insanity III (Shock therapy)


The Patient: Somalia
The Body: Somali people
The Spirits:  Ultra ancestral emissions, which are visible only to the Spiritonauts.
AIDS2:  Acquired identity disappearance syndrome
The Spiritonauts: sufferers of Spiritits (Somali men).
The Organs: Clans, Sub clans, etc.
The Face: Mogadishu
The Cells:  Members of a clan, sub clan etc

Culturally correct insanity (Part I)
Culturally correct insanity (Part II)

30 years ago, I believed that, clannish mentality could be eradicated through education. Now, I have realized that, I was wrong. Somalis say “truth and teeth should be whitened; therefore I would certainly affirm that, something is wrong with all of us… No exceptions. Whether one is a camel driver, farmer, pirate, warlord, professor, religious scholar, politician or academic, we are all suffering from a culturally correct insanity!

The population of Somalia is estimated to be around 10 millions. When one counts the spirits – 5 to 10 virtual bodyguards around every Somali – the exact number of the Somali population would be more than 100 millions. Indeed we are the only people in the world, who are a minority group in their own homeland. We consider the spirits as our insurances, but in reality we are all eternal prisoners of spirits (POSs)!

Four Maxi spirits have engulfed and swallowed the entire population of Somali peninsula. They are called Daarood, Dir, Hawiye and Raxanweyn (listed alphabetically for safety reasons!). Each maxi spirit is subdivided into a countless major, minor, mini and nano spirits. There are constant shifting alliances among themselves. Every spiritonaut has a multiple identities ranging from the nano to the maxi spirits. The multiple identitosis shifts automatically with time, location, situation, and sometimes with the moods of the spiritonauts during the ‘Fadhi-ku-dirir’ crossfire debates!

Below is a random selection of some of our multiple identitosis, which have concealed our Somali identity and made us the turbulent race of the spiritonauts in the horn of Africa!

Ugaaryahan – Dabarre – Jilible – Tunni – Dhulbahante – Boqol hore – Wacbudhan – Leysan – Habar jeclo – Xawaadle – Mareexaan – Murusade –– Duduble – Abgaal – Warsangeli – Gadabuursi – Habar Awal – Degoodi – Gaal Jecel – Majeerteen – Ajuuraan  – Biyamal – Tanade – Shiikhaal – Siwaaqroon – Silcis  – Ciidagale – Absame – Habargidir – Habar Yoonis – Biciidyahan. …

Nine years after the Somali quake, the spiritonauts have realized that, all the known political systems are either very complicated or inappropriate for them. Therefore, they instinctively invented a new ancestral political system known as spiritocracy. The spiripedia defines spiritocracy as “the modus operandi of the spiritonauts, by the spiritonauts for the spiritonauts”.

The system is based on the magic formula of 4.5. It consists of four maxi Spirits and a collection of minor spirits known as the 0.5s or the others. The selections and the elections of the MP’s and the government officials are based on their ancestral spirits. Apart from its absurdity, the formula is not based on fairness, equality or justice. It indicates that all spirits are equal, but some are more equal than the others!!!

AIDS2 has made Somalia the ever largest, the never ending and the most beloved UN NGO in the world; we became the humblest country in the world, in which anything can be done or given to them (From Biscuits, Kebabs to Nuclear Wastes); we are the champions of the brain drainage. Our brains are draining like cats and dogs!! 95% of the Somalis (in and outside Somalia) are displaced physically, emotionally or mentally. Almost every right Somali is in a wrong place at a wrong time!!

The International community is advocating ‘Federalnervous system’ for the patient. They believe that, physical (i.e. political) progress without physiotherapy (i.e. reconciliation) is the key to ensuring long term mental stability for the patient. Negligible number of Somalis believes that, the federal nervous system is the best system for the patient. Majority of the Somalis do not believe it, but they want it temporarily because of necessity. There are organs that are not willing a real ‘Truth and reconciliation conference’ to take place. There are also others from the extremities, who are still claiming, that, ‘the face of the body belongs to them!!!’

Anyhow, after a long hibernation, meditation, contemplation and pondering about this acquired disorder; it became clear to me, that, we have only four survival options. But first let me remind the international community one thing. “In pursuant of the principles of World health organization, regarding the patient’s rights, whatever(i.e. contracts, agreements etc.) his organs, tissue and cells have signed so far on his behalf, while he was in the 23 years’ coma, would be null and void”.

The survival options

1-      We must start a combination of an enforced corporal networking of the organs of the patient and a courageous countrywide awareness building campaign. The corporal interconnection process, beginning from the extremities, must not damage or empower the existing networks (local, regional and federal) of the patient. Every Somali should realize, believe and convince himself that, behind the virtual images of the spirits, there are poor Somali guys like him. Spirits are not real; they are like the mirage. Then to start a real and comprehensive “Truth and reconciliation conference”. There is no future without forgiveness, as reverend Desmond Tutu said.  After that, Somalis alone can really start to build their own nation without the help or the remote-controlling /monitoring of the international community. The details of the Somali nation building is beyond the scope of this essay.  If we choose and implement this option, then within 6 to 10 years’ time, metamorphosis from caterpillars (i.e. Spiritonauts) to butterflies (Somalis) will take place and Somalia, with the will of Allah (Insha’Allah), will become the Switzerland, the Singapore or the Malaysia of Africa.

2-      We have to ask the international community millions of mirrors, so that we can see one another through the mirrors. Spirits are like vampires, they don’t reflect in the mirrors. Therefore, what we need is “Mirrors, only mirrors, and nothing but mirrors”. If we get the mirrors, we can make all the walls, ceilings and the floors of our conference halls with mirrors. Only then we can see each other and talk. “Let us talk means let us reconcile” as the Somali saying goes.

3-     If the above two options are not possible, then we will end up like the Arabs or worse (we cannot even agree to disagree!!). Although we are homogeneous people, virtual mini states of Somali spirits, under the hegemony of the neighboring countries will mushroom in the horn of Africa.

4-     If all the above is not possible, then the extinction of the Somalis is liable and imminent. Therefore, we have to request beforehand the UN, to pass a new resolution for the “endangered Somalis” or to establish a new institution – World Wide Fund for the Somali spirits – WWFsom – with the sole objective of “Preservation of rare Somali SPIRITONAUTS from extinction”

The choice is ours, if at all we can choose!!!!!

Culturally correct insanity (Part I)
Culturally correct insanity (Part II)